Freeze, Fight or Flight: The Self-Defense Reality

You're walking back to your apartment by yourself after a night out with friends. Midway home you encounter someone watching you from their car. After a few minutes you notice that vehicle is following you. As you get closer to home the car speeds up until it's on you and slams on the brakes. Out comes a stranger who charges to attack. You drop into your fighting stance and prepare to defend yourself. All of your training had led up to this moment.

Scary, right? Some people might even think it's exciting. A majority of people take up martial arts or self-defense training for exactly this type of scenario. However, as scary or exciting as it may sound, what happened to me that night was terrifying, and changed the way I looked at my martial arts training.

The year was 1990 and I was almost 20 years old. Living on the north side of Chicago near Broadway & Surf, it was the first time being out on my own. I shared an apartment with a co-worker during that time. That area of the city was always alive with something to do around every turn. Going to nightclubs was the standard on the weekends, typically on Friday or Saturday nights. It was a blast and we always had fun.

One Sunday night some friends and I decided to go hang at a nightclub called Medusa's. It was an off-night for that type of thing, but we had a good time nonetheless. Eventually, I left and began walking back to my apartment. Normally the walk was about 15 minutes depending on the route. However, there were a few alleys we'd cut through that would save some time.

As I walked down Clark St I came to a point where we normally crossed the road to head east down Brown St. That street had brownstones and trees on either side of the roadway, and was what I remembered as being more residential. When I crossed the street something caught my eye. Someone was watching me from their car via their driver's side mirror. How I even noticed it I don't know, but this person was glaring at me.

It's said that the eyes are the gateway to the soul. If that's true then what I witnessed in that moment was pure hatred. That man's eyes broadcasted his disdain for me with every fiber of his being, and we didn't even know each other. Who was this individual sitting in his vehicle watching me cross the street? Why did he look so angry, or why would he want to hurt me or worse?

I told myself that once I crossed the road and got to the corner of the building I'd be out of site and safe. However, right as I crossed the street and landed on the sidewalk I looked over my shoulder and saw the car start up and the headlights turn on. I RAN...as fast as my legs would go. There was at least five seconds before I saw the headlights of his vehicle begin driving down that street. Fortunately for me I had a plan.

Now most people believe that they would be able to handle a situation like this, including myself. I mean, remember that I was almost 20 years old, a grown man out on my own, already training in martial arts for years, and was very fit and physically active. NONE OF THAT MATTERED! My family wasn't there to save me. My friends weren't there to back me up. It was almost midnight, I was all alone and in a neighborhood I barely knew. Strangely this guy was chasing me in his car and I had no idea why. Was there another person with him? Did he have a weapon? I had to hide and figure out my next move.

As I came up on one of our alley shortcuts I thought about taking that route. However, I figured this guy would think that was where I went. Suddenly, I remembered there was a very dark alcove on the opposite side of the house next to that alley. So I hid between the buildings, crouched down behind a bush, with my back up against the wall waiting for him to take the bait. I was wrong.

What I didn't count on was his intent on finding me. The vehicle pulled up so it was lined up directly across from the space where I was hiding. As I crouched there I knew he was staring right at me. I kept my gaze facing away from him so he wouldn't cue in on my eyes. Thus, I never got a good look at him. We both sat motionless for about 20 seconds or so, but I could hear him talking to himself.

I have never been more scared. If this guy got out of his car I would most likely have to engage him. This wouldn't be a martial arts "duel" scenario where we slap and tap. We wouldn't be sparring, and there wouldn't be a referee to break up the action. In fact, there would be no one there accept us. This predator would most likely have something with him to subdue me. This would be a zero-sum situation and I would have to go completely primal. I wasn't ending up in his vehicle.

Fortunately for me, he must have decided that I went down the alley. The vehicle eventually reversed and then turned to drive into the alley. I remainded in my spot for another couple of minutes until I mustered up the courage to continue moving. Though I had my head on a swivel the entire time I eventually made it home unscathed.

So, when it comes to self-defense, or more appropriately a violent encounter, we have a decision to make...freeze, fight or flight. Most times you have seconds to make that determination. Freezing could have been completely detrimental to my wellbeing. Fighting was definitely something I could have done, and would have done, if it came to it. But again, this wouldn't have been sparring or rolling. It would have been much more serious than that. Plus, survival instincts really overrode my desire to fight a complete stranger whose intent was unclear to me. So I chose the one option I knew I could use to my advantage. Flight.

Understand that the "freeze, fight or flight" mechanism within us can be summed up in one word... fear. It's that fear of the unknown that determines our actions in the moment something happens. Knowing the difference between a social "dueling" situation vs an asocial "fight for your life" encounter is paramount. Scenario training and skill set development helps mitigate the fear one feels when involved in an unknown, high stress situation. In my opinion, this should be intelligently incorporated into our training.

Writing about these three incidents over the last couple of weeks has brought up some uncomfortable memories. Unfortunately, the reality is there are people in this world that simply look at things differently than the vast majority of others around them. There's something "evil" that drives their malicious intent towards humans amongst them. Being involved with one these individuals isn't a possibility more than it is a probability. Be prepared or be a statistic.

Chris Mikuta

Confidence vs Courage: Which is needed when it comes to Self-Defense

It was an Easter Sunday and as such we attended a family gathering in Chicago at my grandparents home. City living was much different than what we were accustomed to living in the suburbs. The close bungalow-style housing with small yards and no driveways provided us with a different view of the world. City parks are normally very large and engulfed by the neighborhood they belong to.

Our normal protocol for this holiday was a big midday meal followed by visiting with family members and eventually kite flying in the park. I remember being out there with my brothers and cousins for hours having a great time. This was the norm.

This particular holiday found me in my mid-teens and kite flying wasn't as interesting to me. However, it was for my youngest brother Jimmy, so I was tasked by my parents to take him to the park to fly his new kite. After an hour or so I wanted to head back to the house because I saw my father and older cousin Joe on the front porch. Jimmy wanted to stay there to continue flying his kite. So I left because he could be seen from my grandparents house.

After awhile I remember seeing a very cool looking stunt kite being flown. It was doing loops and dives, but more interesting to me was its proximity to my brother's kite. My father told me to go check on Jimmy and bring him back because we were going to be leaving soon. So off I went.

I walked up and found Jimmy, who at this time was 6-7 years old, talking with an adult man who was piloting the stunt kite. At first everything appeared normal. Jimmy was enthralled by the stunt kite, as was I. The guy made some small talk and I informed Jimmy to begin bringing his kite in so that we could head back. All was good until Jimmy said, "But I want to see his rabbit. It's in his car."

It was at that moment I turned to look at the guy and he was staring at me, almost with a surprised look. But it wasn't a surprised look, it was a look of someone who just had their secret exposed. Then the guy, seeing the look on my face, stated he had a rabbit in his car and wanted to show it to Jimmy, but we could both see it. That's when the alarms began going off in my head.

At first I told Jimmy no and that we had to leave. He immediately began begging to see it. Then the guy began playing Jimmy against me, working his emotions. I eventually relented and agreed to let this guy show us. Plus, I wanted to actually see what he had in his car. Maybe this was just an innocent thing and I was overreacting, or maybe it wasn't.

Once the kites were down the guy stated his car was parked over by the concession stand, which happened to be away from the action and other people in the park. As we walked towards the concession stand I noticed the car was parked around the back out of view. The guy was ahead of us about 30 feet or so, and when he went around the corner I began getting nervous.

As Jimmy and I came around the corner we found the guy digging through the trunk of a black Crown Victoria, which was full of toys. When he turned around he had a rabbit puppet with it's arms and legs wrapped around him. He began projecting his voice through the puppet and asked my brother to come over to pet it. Jimmy was excited by this, but I wasn't. I was terrified. This man meant to do us harm.

Immediately, I grabbed Jimmy by the arm and said, "Let's go!" My brother began whining and questioning me. As we rapidly walked away I turned to see the guy standing at the corner staring at us. His eyes were glaring and he was motionless. As we got to about mid-field the guy turned suddenly and went behind the concession stand. That's when I began to run while dragging Jimmy behind me crying.

As we came crashing through the front door I began yelling for my dad. He ran up and I quickly explained the situation. He and Joe went bursting out the door running towards the park. Unfortunately, the guy had left. At that point, we knew that it had been a close call for my brother.

I apologize for the length of this story, but context is important. When I speak with students or prospective students about why they begin martial arts training they or their parents often tell me they want more confidence, which is a good thing. However, confidence is defined as "a belief or firm trust in one's ability." Yes, this can be a useful trait, but not necessarily when it comes to self-defense or violence. In fact, the predators in our society, like this particular individual, can care less about your confidence because they have an objective and in their mind they're going to meet that goal.

Instead, I suggest we look more at developing our, or our children's, courage, which is defined as, "the ability to do something even when it frightens us." This trait is what gets us through a difficult situation, or when our lives are thrust into chaos. It's this behavior that predators dislike most because someone exhibiting courage disrupts their plans.

This personally was my second encounter with someone with evil intent. It went the way it did because my 15-16 year old self had the courage to protect my brother, keep our distance and flee the situation when it was absolutely necessary. This is self-defense in it's purest form.

In the next blog, I'm going to tell a story about my third encounter with someone I considered evil and how it relates to self-defense. Just thinking about this incident again is upsetting to me. My hope is it helps someone someday if they find themselves in a similar situation.

Chris Mikuta

www.mikutamartialarts.com

Awareness - The Ultimate Self-Defense Tool

Personally, I have had no less than three encounters with "evil" people. I'm not speaking about some blowhard at a bar, or erratic driver who just cut me off, or someone simply being rude. I'm talking about those in our society who are completely broken - asocial predators.

As a noun the word evil is defined as "A profound manifestation of immorality and wickedness, especially in people's actions." In my opinion, the type of adult person who desires children as a trophy is at the apex of wickedness. I will reserve my thoughts and feelings on what should be done with individuals like this, but instead I want to relate my experiences to the topics of awareness as it relates to self-defense.

Being a youth and teen of the 80's I was exposed to the phrase "stranger danger" on a regular basis. However, in the early to mid-70's we weren't as accustomed to the phrase yet. To add some context, walking to and from school was just a normal evolution of your day, even as a 6-7 year old first grader. Of course, our parents would tell us to walk with other kids on the sidewalk away from the street, but parents didn't hover over their kids as much like they do today. So sometimes we'd walk along the side of the road in the ditch line instead because that was "way cooler" than the sidewalk.

One day I walked home from school with a classmate. She lived on the side of the roadway where the ditch line ran. Once we arrived at her house we said our goodbyes and I continued my journey home walking in the ditch line. I could see kids across the street walking on the sidewalk. However, I preferred the adventure of walking solo and exploring as I made my way home. No more than a minute later a car pulls up and the passenger side door opens. A middle aged man was staring at me from the driver's seat when he asked me if I want a ride home.

Now remember, at this point in my 6-7 year old lifetime I had been well versed in "walk with your friends", and "stay on the sidewalk", and "don't talk to strangers". I managed to completely disregard the first two general orders, so how about the last one. Well, I went ahead and answered this guy, "No thanks." He then told me that he was my grandpa and that my mom told him to pick me up. This is where I began this long dissertation about how "I only have two grandpas, one is Grandpa Wally and he's my mom's dad, and the other is Grandpa Joe who is my dad's dad. Oh wait, and there's Grandpa Ed too. But he's my great grandpa and we don't get to see him as often...."

During my prolonged "grandfather explanation" I can see the guy looking around and acting anxious. As a matter of fact, almost 45 years later I can still see this guy in my memories, including his red Cadillac and his white hair. He eventually got frustrated enough and abruptly drove away. I didn't tell my parents that story until almost a decade later. They were mortified.

If I would have gotten anywhere near the passenger side of that car no one would have seen it. He pulled up alongside that four foot ditch line completely blocking any view of me. What would have happened I can only speculate on, but I'm quite certain it would have had a very negative outcome.

What kept me away from that car, even at 6-7 years old, was awareness. Even then I knew something was off. I didn't know the guy and at no point did he ever say my name, or my mom's name. Plus, his behavior wasn't of someone who knew me. This guy was a stranger, and that meant danger.

When I teach kids martial arts I make sure they are taught about these types of situations. They receive instruction about being aware and how to behave correctly if faced with this type of threat. The facts are...there is no martial art that can protect a child from a grown adult who doesn't have their best interest in mind. Any instructor who tells you different is lying. A black belt around a child's waist will not help them either. Awareness is their main self-defense tool and that tool needs to be sharpened, honed and calibrated over time.

There are wolves always on the hunt for unexpecting sheep. However, there are also sheepdogs, and we don't play that. In my next blog, we'll go down the rabbit hole even deeper and continue this discussion on self-defense.

Chris Mikuta

www.mikutamartialarts.com