Confidence vs Courage: Which is needed when it comes to Self-Defense

It was an Easter Sunday and as such we attended a family gathering in Chicago at my grandparents home. City living was much different than what we were accustomed to living in the suburbs. The close bungalow-style housing with small yards and no driveways provided us with a different view of the world. City parks are normally very large and engulfed by the neighborhood they belong to.

Our normal protocol for this holiday was a big midday meal followed by visiting with family members and eventually kite flying in the park. I remember being out there with my brothers and cousins for hours having a great time. This was the norm.

This particular holiday found me in my mid-teens and kite flying wasn't as interesting to me. However, it was for my youngest brother Jimmy, so I was tasked by my parents to take him to the park to fly his new kite. After an hour or so I wanted to head back to the house because I saw my father and older cousin Joe on the front porch. Jimmy wanted to stay there to continue flying his kite. So I left because he could be seen from my grandparents house.

After awhile I remember seeing a very cool looking stunt kite being flown. It was doing loops and dives, but more interesting to me was its proximity to my brother's kite. My father told me to go check on Jimmy and bring him back because we were going to be leaving soon. So off I went.

I walked up and found Jimmy, who at this time was 6-7 years old, talking with an adult man who was piloting the stunt kite. At first everything appeared normal. Jimmy was enthralled by the stunt kite, as was I. The guy made some small talk and I informed Jimmy to begin bringing his kite in so that we could head back. All was good until Jimmy said, "But I want to see his rabbit. It's in his car."

It was at that moment I turned to look at the guy and he was staring at me, almost with a surprised look. But it wasn't a surprised look, it was a look of someone who just had their secret exposed. Then the guy, seeing the look on my face, stated he had a rabbit in his car and wanted to show it to Jimmy, but we could both see it. That's when the alarms began going off in my head.

At first I told Jimmy no and that we had to leave. He immediately began begging to see it. Then the guy began playing Jimmy against me, working his emotions. I eventually relented and agreed to let this guy show us. Plus, I wanted to actually see what he had in his car. Maybe this was just an innocent thing and I was overreacting, or maybe it wasn't.

Once the kites were down the guy stated his car was parked over by the concession stand, which happened to be away from the action and other people in the park. As we walked towards the concession stand I noticed the car was parked around the back out of view. The guy was ahead of us about 30 feet or so, and when he went around the corner I began getting nervous.

As Jimmy and I came around the corner we found the guy digging through the trunk of a black Crown Victoria, which was full of toys. When he turned around he had a rabbit puppet with it's arms and legs wrapped around him. He began projecting his voice through the puppet and asked my brother to come over to pet it. Jimmy was excited by this, but I wasn't. I was terrified. This man meant to do us harm.

Immediately, I grabbed Jimmy by the arm and said, "Let's go!" My brother began whining and questioning me. As we rapidly walked away I turned to see the guy standing at the corner staring at us. His eyes were glaring and he was motionless. As we got to about mid-field the guy turned suddenly and went behind the concession stand. That's when I began to run while dragging Jimmy behind me crying.

As we came crashing through the front door I began yelling for my dad. He ran up and I quickly explained the situation. He and Joe went bursting out the door running towards the park. Unfortunately, the guy had left. At that point, we knew that it had been a close call for my brother.

I apologize for the length of this story, but context is important. When I speak with students or prospective students about why they begin martial arts training they or their parents often tell me they want more confidence, which is a good thing. However, confidence is defined as "a belief or firm trust in one's ability." Yes, this can be a useful trait, but not necessarily when it comes to self-defense or violence. In fact, the predators in our society, like this particular individual, can care less about your confidence because they have an objective and in their mind they're going to meet that goal.

Instead, I suggest we look more at developing our, or our children's, courage, which is defined as, "the ability to do something even when it frightens us." This trait is what gets us through a difficult situation, or when our lives are thrust into chaos. It's this behavior that predators dislike most because someone exhibiting courage disrupts their plans.

This personally was my second encounter with someone with evil intent. It went the way it did because my 15-16 year old self had the courage to protect my brother, keep our distance and flee the situation when it was absolutely necessary. This is self-defense in it's purest form.

In the next blog, I'm going to tell a story about my third encounter with someone I considered evil and how it relates to self-defense. Just thinking about this incident again is upsetting to me. My hope is it helps someone someday if they find themselves in a similar situation.

Chris Mikuta

www.mikutamartialarts.com

Awareness - The Ultimate Self-Defense Tool

Personally, I have had no less than three encounters with "evil" people. I'm not speaking about some blowhard at a bar, or erratic driver who just cut me off, or someone simply being rude. I'm talking about those in our society who are completely broken - asocial predators.

As a noun the word evil is defined as "A profound manifestation of immorality and wickedness, especially in people's actions." In my opinion, the type of adult person who desires children as a trophy is at the apex of wickedness. I will reserve my thoughts and feelings on what should be done with individuals like this, but instead I want to relate my experiences to the topics of awareness as it relates to self-defense.

Being a youth and teen of the 80's I was exposed to the phrase "stranger danger" on a regular basis. However, in the early to mid-70's we weren't as accustomed to the phrase yet. To add some context, walking to and from school was just a normal evolution of your day, even as a 6-7 year old first grader. Of course, our parents would tell us to walk with other kids on the sidewalk away from the street, but parents didn't hover over their kids as much like they do today. So sometimes we'd walk along the side of the road in the ditch line instead because that was "way cooler" than the sidewalk.

One day I walked home from school with a classmate. She lived on the side of the roadway where the ditch line ran. Once we arrived at her house we said our goodbyes and I continued my journey home walking in the ditch line. I could see kids across the street walking on the sidewalk. However, I preferred the adventure of walking solo and exploring as I made my way home. No more than a minute later a car pulls up and the passenger side door opens. A middle aged man was staring at me from the driver's seat when he asked me if I want a ride home.

Now remember, at this point in my 6-7 year old lifetime I had been well versed in "walk with your friends", and "stay on the sidewalk", and "don't talk to strangers". I managed to completely disregard the first two general orders, so how about the last one. Well, I went ahead and answered this guy, "No thanks." He then told me that he was my grandpa and that my mom told him to pick me up. This is where I began this long dissertation about how "I only have two grandpas, one is Grandpa Wally and he's my mom's dad, and the other is Grandpa Joe who is my dad's dad. Oh wait, and there's Grandpa Ed too. But he's my great grandpa and we don't get to see him as often...."

During my prolonged "grandfather explanation" I can see the guy looking around and acting anxious. As a matter of fact, almost 45 years later I can still see this guy in my memories, including his red Cadillac and his white hair. He eventually got frustrated enough and abruptly drove away. I didn't tell my parents that story until almost a decade later. They were mortified.

If I would have gotten anywhere near the passenger side of that car no one would have seen it. He pulled up alongside that four foot ditch line completely blocking any view of me. What would have happened I can only speculate on, but I'm quite certain it would have had a very negative outcome.

What kept me away from that car, even at 6-7 years old, was awareness. Even then I knew something was off. I didn't know the guy and at no point did he ever say my name, or my mom's name. Plus, his behavior wasn't of someone who knew me. This guy was a stranger, and that meant danger.

When I teach kids martial arts I make sure they are taught about these types of situations. They receive instruction about being aware and how to behave correctly if faced with this type of threat. The facts are...there is no martial art that can protect a child from a grown adult who doesn't have their best interest in mind. Any instructor who tells you different is lying. A black belt around a child's waist will not help them either. Awareness is their main self-defense tool and that tool needs to be sharpened, honed and calibrated over time.

There are wolves always on the hunt for unexpecting sheep. However, there are also sheepdogs, and we don't play that. In my next blog, we'll go down the rabbit hole even deeper and continue this discussion on self-defense.

Chris Mikuta

www.mikutamartialarts.com

Always Expect a Weapon 2

I posted this one on our FB page awhile ago. It was to demonstrate that even during an all out fist fight in the free-standing or kickboxing range, someone can pull a weapon out such as a gun, especially if they feel they are on the losing end of an altercation or exchange.

Burton does a great job breaking this one down and explains how to properly address a gun disarm. There are no guarantees, but knowing is always better than not knowing. So study on this.